my sentiments EXACTLY, busta

facebook and i are taking a break

it’s mostly for my own good. i try to avoid women’s magazines, but i’ve recently come to the conclusion that Facebook provides a whole other set of standards by which to compare myself and conclude that my lifestyle and i somehow don’t measure up. however illusory the Facebook reality may be, it’s a surprisingly powerful one…especially when it’s your primary method of procrastination. everyone knows that the correlation between amount of time spent on Facebook and the amount of work one has to finish is strong. if you’ve got 20+ pages to write (as was my case last weekend) or a few exams to study for, chances are you’re wasting a disproportionate quantity of your study time browsing wall-to-walls and pics of party people doin’ what they do best. (and then wasting even more time feeling badly that you're not doing the same.)

the thing about Facebook (a fact all too easy to lose sight of) is that it is all about the presentation. no one is actually having as much fun or has as many friends as their profile might lead you to believe. when you think about it, a person’s profile is like a spread in Vogue: although the finished product is glossy and sophisticated, that’s only because somewhere a dedicated photo editor has done his or her job, using the magic of PhotoShop to slenderize and beautify. reality, on the other hand, is more akin to that Newsweek cover of Sarah Palin: wrinkled, whiskered, and generally unflattering.

seriously though, who among us would voluntarily choose to present a Newsweek version of ourselves to the virtual world, when we have the option of highlighting only our best qualities? maybe some admirably honest souls would.

most, however, have Facebook stalkers to impress.

if this doesn't cheer you up, i don't know what will

yes we can (hold babies)

existential crisis

this is actually the best thing i've ever seen ever

the cover letter i WISH i could submit

dear firm x,

i am not enrolled in wharton or stern. i am not a finance major, or even a math or economics major. while we're laying it all out on the table, i should probably also add that i have little to no experience, and only the vaguest of ideas about what "strategic management consulting" actually entails.

that being said, i find the prospect of earning a six-figure salary right out of college extremely appealing. also, i can say the alphabet backwards, and totally make my tongue into that cool four-leaf clover shape, an ability i'm pretty sure is genetically determined. which must mean i was destined for greatness. right? my mother seems to think so, anyway.

hire me please,
[insert fancily signed legal name here]

an ode to daytime television

today's schedule:

• regis and kelly, 9-10 (regis' daughter is co-hosting while kelly is on vacay, it seems. she's pretty adorable. plus, there was an awk exchange involving a news report about old people having sex and joanna philbin announces that old people sex is gross and she doesn't want to imagine her parents "getting it on." amen, sister.)

• the tyra show, 10-11 (etiquette tips? tyra's def the go-to girl for THAT. emily post's granddaughter, lizzie post, was on. she probably loved tyra's constant interruptions.)

• maury, 11-12 (paternity testing, as per usual. you can always count on maury for a satisfyingly predictable level of trash.)

• steve wilkos show, 12-1 (in which he yells at a woman who allowed the man who molested her daughter to move back in with them. i've totes seen this one before. does that make me pathetic?)

so yeah, about those internship applications...