i'm happy to say i can answer that with a confident "NO SIREE." (despite some [minor] lingering doubts. this is me writing here, after all.)
the decision to go to paris for the summer, without any real plan or job or place to live may not have been the wisest one financially, or in terms of planning for my future, but for me it was the right one. you know why? to be perfectly honest: because it was an incredibly un-BA-like thing to do.
not to knock my instincts or anything, but...to go ahead and knock my instincts/the most essential components of my personality, i do, by nature, tend to air on the side of "lame hermit" (myers-briggs and/or keirsey would have to agree, although they might not use those precise terms.) i'm the type of person who really, really enjoys her comfort zone, a rather narrow little bubble which involves school work, real work, exercising, hanging around a couple close friends, gratuitous amounts of computer time, and the occasional few hours spent curled up in bed. in the fetal position. (particularly when the going gets tough.)
i have to admit, the second i bought my ticket i immediately regretted the decision and had a
huge freak-out and called my mother, who, for the umpteenth time, was successful in talking me off the ledge (thanks for putting up with me, mama bear.) for someone who has done very little traveling in her life, and who, additionally, is a major homebody, this was a big deal for me, to venture off to a foreign city where i'd be supporting myself.
it wasn't easy, and i definitely experienced my share of homesickness and loneliness and "what the hell am i doing here i'm majorly broke and barely know anyone" moments. but even in the two and a half months i was gone, i began noticing a difference in how i look at things and go through the world. at one point, charlotte even told me, "i am, how do you say," (yes, she actually threw in a "how do you say." yay stereotypes!) "très admirative de toi. i don't theenk i could go away on my own like you are doing." my beloved roommate's comment, if i may take a moment to insert some cheese, made me realize how proud i am of myself for doing this. again, for the average person this probably ain't no thang, but i repeat: i am all about the overthinking and playing-it-safe. and fetal positioning.
by no means am i tryna say that a summer away from home solved all my problems and turned me into the ultra-confident, adventuresome, spontaneous person i would love to be. i certainly have quite a bit of maturing left to do, but i'm proud of the progress i made in the
cajones-growing department (btw, comment dit-on "testicles" en français?) i just have to keep in mind that i have it in me to push myself and experience things i'm not accustomed to or comfortable with. i think it's a lesson that will serve me well come next summer, WHERE THE REAL WORLD AWAITS.
...DUNH DUNH DUNH (cue ominous music)
